As a peaceful smile, sometimes we have to scold the child. This does not mean we abandon gentleness, for scolding and gentle manner are not two contradictory things. The soft is the quality of attitude, as the nature of what we do. Meanwhile, angry rebuke-not-an act. People can be rude, even though he was making out with his wife.
The problem then, we are often unable to defuse emotions when faced with an annoying child's behavior. We admonish children not because they want to correct errors, but because they want to vent anger and annoyance. Was not easy, but we need to continuously learn to relieve emotions in the face of a child, especially when faced with their behavior that makes us want to scream and widened. If not, we will not be effective reprimand. In fact, it is not impossible they were even more shows the "naughty".
Once again, no matter how difficult and is still often fail, we need to try to calm the emotions in the face of a child before we confronted them, before we scold them.
Moreover, there are some records that we can consider:
1. They Consequences To Teach, Not Threat
Children learn from us. They like to threaten them because we are often faced with a threatening force. They saw that in a way threatening, what they want can be achieved. From us, they also learn to vent his anger to show "keakuannya".
I do not deny, many outside influences that could alter the child's behavior. Peers, especially those who are very familiar with the child, can affect children. He mimics his friend of how to talk, act, expressing anger, through the spoken words. Sometimes the child understands what is said, but sometimes kids do not know what he meant. He was just imitating what is heard.
Our conversation is not about impersonation this time. Let us therefore come back talking together how the threat to children, often do not produce good change. The threat is not much useful to stop the misbehavior of children, or behavior that makes us sewot. Conversely, the threat of it makes children rebel and resist learning.
For one thing, children feel their parents do not care when we shouted threats at their ears. In addition, we often forget to indicate what should be done when we are busy boy threw a threat.
2. So what we need to do?
First, we return to the principle qubhunal 'iqab when bayan. It is worse to torture without giving an explanation. Once upon a time we need to sit together in an intimate atmosphere with the children to talk about rules.
Second, we can make a joint commitment with the child to obey the rules. For example, ask the child to calm down when there are guests. If anything needs to be delivered, or the child wants something, it should convey to parents nicely and be patient until they've been able to fulfill it.
Along with this commitment we can discuss with children the consequences of what is acceptable when the child during a tantrum at home. Once again, the consequence is delivered with a familiar tone. Not a threat.
When children do the negative things that are very disturbing, parents can remind children to return to again and again-not by threatening tone. Herein lies the weight. We are often easy to lose control. We easily widened when angry, but remember to be consistent.
Astaghfirullahal 'adzim. "You Say It Over and over again."
Behavior that is irritating it more memorable, more lasting and tend to move us to act immediately. Conversely positive behaviors tend to be less able to push us to comment, except if the behavior is really very impressive. Consumers are disappointed in a product, will soon be grumbling here and there, even though it's actually not much disappointment. But consumers who are satisfied tend to be silent, unless it's pretty amazing satisfaction. Parents and children will too. Parents easily recall negative behavior of children, while children may not be able to forget the painful act of his parents.
One of the common habits that offend the child's parents so they can undermine his self-image is the phrase, "I've said many times, but you do not want to listen."
This expression is indeed effective to make children quiet down. But he fell silent because of his pride, not realizing the error. If this often happens, the child will have poor self-image. The next impact, self-concept and self-esteem (self esteem), children will be weak. Children learn to view themselves seen in a negative way, so forget the many virtues and advantages he has. Conversely parents also so, more often say such things to children, we will be more easy to react impulsively. We further believe in the notion itself that our children are stubborn, annoying and difficult advised.
Was not easy, but the habit scolded child with the phrase "Father told you many times" or the like, should we be aware of current abrasion. We need to strengthen the resolve to say a more positive, no matter how nearly every comment we are still poor.
3. Do Tasteful Self, Self-behaved Only
One time, about half past two in the morning I wake up a child from sleep. He then went and asked her brother who was a baby joke, but his brother had just fallen asleep. As his mother, I also had emotion. I almost can not control emotions, but I soon realized that by my child is a reflection of the affection of younger. Well, what happens if I criticize my child? Especially when I glared at him and loudly, in good faith that can turn into anger so that children would develop a hostility to his brother. He could learn to hate her sister.
What I tell you is just an example. Not infrequently the child's behavior showed "negative," but it does not mean that.
Once, returning from a play-group my child said, "Mr. insolent." After I asked that is, it turns out he did not understand the meaning of impudent. He said, "Brazen it ya fool around, hiding-hiding."
We are very easy to misunderstand the purpose of the child. We're easy to get stuck with what we see. Therefore we need to learn to be more restrained in assessing children. Do not let there kids have good intentions, but instead we reproach himself so precisely off-initiative positive initiative. Even supposing he did make a negative action, and he knew his actions is not good, that we need to do is show that he should act positively. We straighten behavior. Not criticizing him. Busy denouncing child makes us forget to ask, "Why did my son do that?" In addition, the self-reproach and not on action-can undermine self-image, self esteem and confidence of children. In turn, the child has a fragile motivation. Na'udzubillahi dzalik min.
Most of us feel not feel denounce child, but our speech advocates against child. For example, "You do not want to hear why you advice? Heh? You always just ngeyel."
In this speech, the focus of our anger is a child, as we show with your words. Not his actions are wrong.
4. Never Say "Never"
Probably no word is more frequently spoken by parents to children over the word "no". We use the word "no" when she saw the child do the less we like. We also use the word "no", even when we expect children to do the other.
In fact the word "no" does not make easy to understand what should be done. As a result, the child difficult to meet the expectations of parents, while parents can become irritated because they feel their advice was not heard of children. Parents felt their children rather ngeyel (head stone, Bugis people say).
Then, if we should not give a ban? I can not imagine how the destruction of a world without any restrictions whatsoever.
So did the family. But reflecting on the Prophet, do not say "no" when he was doing wrong. Show me what should be done. Or be patient until he has completed the point, as when a Bedouin in the time of the Prophet was caught urinating in the mosque. If we do not want kids play sand on the patio, say, "Son, play sand on the patio only, yes?" Short, solid, clear and positive. No, "Come on, do not play sand on the patio. I am you later."
The best time to submit a ban parents is when children are familiar with the parents. In a neutral atmosphere, a ban that we give our children would be more effective. Children more easily understand. They can accept it as a rule. Not take it as an attack on him.
This is an experiment of semi-skripsi that I made about "Child Development" in 1st semester majoring in psychology, hopefully It can be useful experiment